My parents divorced when I was 17 years old. I'm now 50. I just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary and realized that I have been married longer than my parents were by about two years.
Like I said, I was 17 when my dad left my mom. He remarried right away. I politely declined the invitation to attend their wedding (I don't think I said, "what are you nuts?" out loud, but I certainly felt that way. As if I wanted to attend a celebration of the bringing together two lives into holy matrimony while the embers were still cooling in the bomb that just exploded in the union that was once my parent's marriage.)
My dad and his wife have been married for over thirty years. I have always referred to her as 'my dad's wife' as opposed to 'step-mother'. Initially this was because when she first came into my life I was 17 years old, practically an adult. I never experienced the 'one week at mom's house, one week at dad's house' horror that most kids from broken homes have to endure. I can't imagine how hard it must be for kids to go from 'our house' to 'mom's house and dad's house'.
Here's what's in a name for me. My mother used to have the title 'wife' and my Dad's second wife took that from her. I get this fierce feeling of loyalty in the pit of my stomach that screams, " you're not taking the title 'mother' away from her, too!"
I don't hate my dad's wife. As a matter of fact I love her. I admire her. She's a wonderful wife to my father. She takes good care of him. She's a hard worker. Great at small talk. Fun to be around. She's a nice lady. But underneath all of that, she's the woman my dad left my mom for.
And that still bothers me.
